daily funny jokes sms: 2011

Wife is like a medicine Bas Ek hi kaafi hai

Friends Are like “Priya Gold Biscuit” Haq Se maango
Girl Friends are like Pepsi Yeh Dil Maange More
Wife is like a medicine Bas Ek hi kaafi hai

Jhalak dikhlaja jhalak dikhlaja

Ek ladka ek ladki se ishara karke kehte hai
“jhalak dikhlaja jhalak dikhlaja”
Larki chappal nikaal k kehti hai
“ek baar aaja aaja aaja aaja aaja aaaaja ……

Doctor advised to rest for 1 month

Wife:
suno ji doctor Ne mujhe aik maheenay k araam k liye
beautiful foreign country janay ko kaha hai.

Hum kahan jayen gay?
Husband: doosray doctor k paas

Delivery is free in PIZZA HUT

Ek sardarni ko labour pain ho raha tha,
sardarji uneh ‘PIZZA HUT’ le ja rahe tha .
Kisi ne pucha hospital kyo nahi jate,
to sardarji bole “oye u don’t know
delivery is free in PIZZA HUT.

Imagine world without girls

Imagine world without girls
roads sunsan markets viran
na janu na jan
na koi girl friend k liye preshan
bas namaz & quran
&
sarey larke direct jannat ul maqam

Sardar: I hav’nt slept all nite in the train.

Sardar: I hav’nt slept all nite in the train.
Friend: Y?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Y did’nt u ecchanged?
Sardar: oye, there was nobody
2 exchange in the lower birth..

2-4 patthar nhi chaba sakte?

Husband:
ALLAH ne tumhein 2 aakhen di hain
chaawal se patthar nahi nikal sakti?
WIFE: ALLAH ne tumhe 32 daant diye hai
2-4 patthar nhi chaba sakte?

Karti hain itna makeup k weight barh jata hay

Bachiyon k chakker me larke jate lutt,
Or khatey hain un k bhaiyon se wo kutt…
iss waja se larke larkiyon ko chor detay hain,
Moqa mil tey hi un k bhaiyon ko phor dete hain..
Na kare makeup to un se banda dar jata hay,
Karti hain itna makeup k weight barh jata hay.

Shehzadi 5 rupay dede, andha hon

Ek din Wife aur Husband mandir se
niklay to ek faqeer ne kaha:
Shehzadi 5 rupay dede, andha hon

Husband:Dedo,Tumhe Shehzadi
kaha hai to zaroor andha hi hoga

Ek LARKI Ki DUA

Ek LARKI Ki DUA

Kasam Se Her Larkay Ko Bhola Dongi,
Sabhi Ki Tasveren Jala Don Gi,

Ek Tum Hi Raho Gay Is Dil Mein,
Balance Dalwa Do Tumhy Dua Doun Gi

Har Larki Aap Ko Pyar Se Kehti Hai

Aankhon Me Sharafat,
Chaal Me Nazakat,
Dil Me Sachai,
Cheray Par Safai,

Isi Liye Tou .
.
.
.
.
Har Larki Aap Ko Pyar Se Kehti Hai
“BHAI”

Khud ko kar buland itnaa

Khud ko kar buland itnaa K,
“Himaalaya ki choti pe jaa pahunche”
Aur khuda tujhse puche, >
“Abe sale gadhe. ab utrega kaise”

Husband – tum kon hoo ?

Husband – tum kon hoo

Biwi – pagal hogay kiya apni Biwi koo bhol gaye

HUSBAND – nasha her gham bhola deta hai

Jo jita wo sikandar

jo jita wo sikandar
jo haare wo jail ke Ander,

jo sms bheje us ko jadu ki jhappi,

jo na bheje usko
BANDAR ki pappi…..

*****

Ek din bhagwan sharab peeny

Ek din bhagwan sharab peeny
zameen per aa giya 50 boltle peenay
k baad dukan wala bola
“ap ko charti nahi hay?”
bhagwan: main bhagwan hun
Club wala: charh gaye salay ko

Main maa Bannay wali hoon

Premika premi se: main maa Bannay wali hoon.
Premi: kya baat kar rahi ho yum hosh me to ho.
Premika: haan
Premi: Magar ham nay tou kabhi kiss tuk nahin kari
Premika: haan mai tumhare daddy se shadi kar k
tumhari maan banane wali hoon

Musharaf Reema ka haath pakar kar bola

Musharaf Reema ka haath pakar kar bola:

“Aao kamray mein chalain”

Reema; “Ki faida, wardi tey tu lani nai”

Mushraf ki niyat

Mushraf ki niyat

“Niyat karta hoon 2 molvi marne ki.

6 rocket fire farz.

Wasty bUSH uncle k.

Muon mera Jamia hafza ki tarf”

Hamari yadoon ki khushboo …

Kadam kadam pay hawa ki simt ka dihan rakhna,
Mushkil waqt main dosti ko yaad rakhna
“Hamari yadoon ki khushboo zaror aye gi tumhain”
.
.
.
bus apni NAAK SAAF rakhna.

A beautiful girl goes to Professor

A beautiful girl goes to Professor cabin
and
say
that i will do anything to pass in the exams
and professor says
NOW OPEN YOUR
.
.
.
.
.
.
Books And Study

In pakistan survey was done

In pakistan survey was done:
How many girls want to meet with Saquib
Survey repot
5% says yes
0% says no
95% says kuhawab maat dikhao
Humari aise kismat kaha

Difference b/w secretary & private secretary

Q: What is the difference b/w secretary & private secretary?

Ans:
Secretary says GOOD MORNING SIR
&
Private secretary says ITS MORNING SIR

Macher ne 1 admi ko din main kata

admi ne kaha:”tum to rat main kat’tay hona?”
Macher bola,”ghar k halat kharab hain over time ker raha hon.”

1 memon k ghar ko aag lag gai

1 memon k ghar ko aag lag gai,

woh ghar ko bacha nahin saka,

guess kion?

because wo sari raat fre brigade
walon ko miss calls marta raha.

Memon ka beta & girl friend

Memon ka beta apni girl friend
k sath date maar ker ghar aaya
to baap nay pocha,
kitnay paisay kharch karey?
Beta: Rs.50.
Baap:itne saray kion??
Beta: us k paas itne hi thay.

50% of sardars are not donkeys

Newspaper Mein News Lugi K
“50% Of Sardars Are Donkeys”

The Sardars Protested.

Next Day News Lagi K
“50% Of Sardars R Not Donkeys”

The Sardars Celebrated.

Man needs a poison

Man at medical store:I need poison
Chemist: I can’t sell you that

Man shows his marriage certificate
.
.
.
Chemist: Oh! sorry,
I didn’t knew u had a prescription.

Before and after marriage

He: yes! atlast it was so hard 2 wait
she:do you want me 2 leave?
He: No! don’t even think about it
She: do you love me ?
He:ofcourse! over n over!
She:have u ever cheated on me?
He:No!y r u even asking?
She:will u go on wid me on picnic?
He:every chance I get!
She:will u hit me ?
He:R u crazy?I’m not that kind of person!
She:can I trust u?
He:yes..
She: Darling!

After marriage…
Now simply read from bottom to top

Don’t kill the students

A student was asked 2 write
a signboard 4 the traffic rules
near da college campus

He wrote:-

“Drive Carefully!
Don’t kill the students,
wait for the Teachers”

A pakistani man goes for fishing

A pakistani man goes for fishing, catches a big fish.
Comes home and askks his wife to cookthe fish.
Wife says she can’t as there is no gas, no electricity,
no atta(floor) and no cooking oil to fry it in.
Man goes and puts the fish back in the river.
Fish comes up to the surface and shouts
“Pakistan Zindabad”

Tumhain ghalat fehmi hoi hay

Wife:kal rat tum mujhey neend
mein galian kion de rahey thai?
Husband: tumhey ghalat fehmi hoi hai..

Wife: kesi ghalat fehmi?
Husband: yehi k mein neeend mein tha

Once a husband and wife

An Aeroplane asks a Rocket
How is that you can fly so fast?
The Rocket replies you will know the pain
when they put fire at your back!

Jayengay car main, aayengay akhbar main

Once a husband and wife
were preparing to go office
and the wife thought
she would drive today for the office.

Wife : Chalo na car me kahin ghumne
chalte hai, aur car me drive karungi!

Huband : “Agar tum car drive karogi to
jayenge car mein, aayenge akhbaar mein”!!

Dil karta he band krwa doon sim tere

Lab pe ati hai Dua ban k tamanna meri,
Dil karta he band krwa doon sim tere,

Dor duniya ka tere DAM se ujala hojaye,
Jo mjhe sms na kare Uska range kala HOjaye….

Who‘s dear & near friend…

Who‘s hot… Its U,
Who‘s
Charming… Its U,
Who‘s
Sweetest.. Its U,
Who‘s
Intelligent… Its U,
Who‘s dear & near friend… Its U
Who‘s a liar.. Its me

Life is like a MOVIE…

Life is like a MOVIE…
If u r sad – DRAMA
If u r afraid – SUSPENSE
If u r angry – ACTION
When u look at the mirror – HORROR

1 bhoot dosray ko samjha raha tha

Khofnaak andheri raat k sannatay main
ek bhoot dosray bhoot ko samjhra raha tha:
bhai ghabra mat, ye sub tere dimagh ka waham hai,
pathan wathan kuch nahin hote.

Never kiss a police woman

Never kiss a police woman.
she ‘ll say stop and handsup.
Never kiss a nurse she
will say next plz. Always kiss a teacher.
She ‘ll repeat it 10 times

Doctor suggested full body Xray

Sardar said to doctor:Pore jism main
kahin bhi ungli lagao to bohat dard hota hai,
Doctor suggested full body Xray
when he checked, Xray found fracture in “Ungli”

Tujhey sub pata hai

Child:papa aunty ka pait kion phola hai?
Father:tujhey sub pata hai!
Child: nahin pata promise!
Father: in k pait main pani bhara hay
CHILD:Oh No! Bacha to doob jaye ga!

I Can SEE ‘TEA’ in A TEA-CUP

I Can SEE ‘TEA’ in A TEA-CUP
Can you SEE the WORLD in WORLD-CUP?

I can SING on Any STAGE
Can you SING in COMA-STAGE?

I can FIX my PASSPORT Size PHOTO in My PASSPORT
Can you FIX Your STAMP Size PHOTO in a STAMP?

I Can SEND My ADDRESS to Your MOBILE
Can You SEND Your MOBILE to my ADDRESS?

TRY ALL THIS…….. ….
Atleast DO the LAST ONE

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